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Millie Wonders Blog Blog Is lingerie sexy and should it be described as being sexy?
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Is lingerie sexy and should it be described as being sexy?

Oh yeah, I can hear the gasping as you’re reading this and that’s great cause I caught your attention. But hear me out as I give you a good read about crotchless knickers, body positivity, self-observation and whether we should use the term ‘sexy’ to describe to our undergarments. Please note that this is a personal blog post based on personal opinion and life experiences so feel free to agree or disagree but do think of this post as thought material rather than advice.

I will start by mentioning that the word ‘sexy,’ depending on its use in a sentence, (for this purpose when describing lingerie), usually pertains to the meaning of sexual attractiveness or sex appeal or sexual excitement. From a personal point of view, there is nothing wrong or more natural than honing into my ‘sexy’ vibe and getting down with it, (pun intended). But I’m a deep thinker and there have been many times where I have seen something described as sexy which from my eyes is certainly not. Going deeper into my thoughts, this made me realise how subjective ‘sexy’ really is. In other words we all have our own variation of sexy, how we feel when we are sexy, what we aspire to in being sexy, what we desire for being sexy.

I once had a complaint from an individual who thought a V-neck/plunge lingerie teddy was disgusting as it showed too much body parts. On other side of the coin I had another individual send me heart shaped emoji applauding the same garment. This is a perfect example of how subjective ‘sexy’ can be and is one reason why I shall refrain as much as possible from using this word when describing lingerie. For the individual who swore at me while saying that private parts were disgusting (yes that’s right I had the F word thrown at me too), all I can think about is from the perspective of woman to woman, how can private parts be disgusting when it is a part oneself and how can one project such a negative opinion on one’s body parts.  This world is filled with so much negativity and hatred and how this hatred has developed between individuals is beyond me but I have been a woman for quite some time and I cannot relate to other women who criticise their female counterparts based on personal opinion or tradition or belief.  I do not oppose opinion but to impose them generates a privileged authority to which the other may be perceived as lower level. That is not being respectful to the other. Have an opinion, explain your reasons (without the need of swearing) and then listen to the opposite side. You do not have to agree but you may come away wiser or having learnt something of value.

Crotchless knickers are excellent example when lingerie is described as being a sexy item. Buy this and you too can be sexy, you might hear. Guess what? Crotchless knickers are not a new invention and were never intended just for sex. No doubt our great, great grandmothers probably wore crotchless pantaloons. During the times where women needed assistance to get dressed in multiple layers of clothing such as a chemise, corset, bodice, petticoat and stockings following several layers of skirts,  the ‘drawers’ were crotchless to make going to the bathroom easier. Can you imagine being chaperoned by your dressing assistant all day long to help you get in and out of all this clothing just to go to the toilet? Some women didn’t bother at all with ‘knickers’ but others preferred their pantalets or bloomers to keep the draft out. Looking back at what women used to wear really shows us the functionality of our late undergarments and how much we have simplified our dress code. I can also see that with simplification how instant relations have also become. So whilst crotchless knickers may provide some instant gratification my reasons for not wanting to call them sexy are for the very reason to avoid the awareness that these are the epitome of being sexy and getting sex.

I look back to my own personal battles as a younger version of myself and now as a mature female living and working in this modern world and I can assure you that having experienced teasing, bullying, belittling, discrimination and variations of abuse to name a few (and it does not matter about the how or where or whom as this post is not intended to blame) has had an impact on me in various ways, such as,  my fat days, my bad hair days, my I’m too old days, my ugly days, my not good enough days, my depressed days and the list goes on. It appears that women need to live up to certain standards of perfection to be accepted. I say, Fuck that! Seriously, if someone wants to make a remark about my weight, looks, clothes, hair or sexuality, please stop and think about the reasons why it bothers you first. If someone wants to provide constructive criticism, then do so with good reason and with a helping hand from a heart of kindness. There is no reason to criticise without a solution for improvement and there is certainly no reason to criticise just to elevate one’s own sense of self. But more importantly dare to be yourself and relish in your uniqueness. My younger version of myself was always different to the norm and yet society needed me to be the same as everyone else, but up to whose standards exactly? I want to embrace my uniqueness and have my own style and be the person I ought to be not the person I should be and that includes being what I desire and having the choice that will provide me with my own inner happiness.

Another reason I refrain from using the word sexy is that from a body positivity point of view, we are all different and are beautiful in our own individual ways. I grew up in an era where waif thin supermodels were walking down the catwalks. This is the same era that saw an increase in anorexia and bulimia and an increase in self- hatred for not being flawless as it craved on retouched photos. Whilst using the word sexy to describe something, which may be quite an innocent statement, just remember, what you may consider as sexy is not the same as the next person. I now applaud seeing women of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds embrace the catwalks of the streets raising awareness for the body positivity movement and so much more. However, it is not about preferring one body type to the other it is having the ability to embrace the notion that beauty is not defined but in all of us. As a brand I wish I could work with a lot more individuals and I hope with expansion that this will come to fruition in the future as I embrace diversity and have the desire to grow the brand with inclusivity in mind.  

For me, being sexy really is not about impressing someone else to make them want me more or desire me or make me feel better than the competition and it is certainly not about how I look. Being sexy is a feeling I can embrace for my own pleasure and needs and that comes with somewhat inner confidence and self – love and through my sexiness I do not need to be like anyone else because I am unique. I can be sexy without the need to have sex. The style of lingerie any woman chooses for herself is to her own likeness and to her own comfort level. Why she wears the lingerie, is for her to decide and it does not necessarily mean that buying lingerie is to feel sexy. I can think of many reasons how lingerie can make me feel without needing to feel sexy. Wearing good lingerie can make the difference to your day. Imagine stepping out to go to work in a good mood because you’re wearing the right support in your favourite colours, even that can make your day start off well without the need to feel sexy. That said, when buying lingerie for someone else, it is really important to know the other persons style rather than go with your own fulfilment. Since the word sexy has been thrown about so much I would much rather feel sensual and adorned than plain old sexy and I can do that for myself with my lingerie choices and not need sexual gratification. Welcome to womanhood!

On the other side of the spectrum, I do not find men’s underwear as being the most appealing piece of garment to be worn, but someone out there may oppose that. Men’s lingerie (e.g. silk pants or lace bodysuits for men) may not be considered as ‘sexy’ by some, but for others it is a whole new world of exploration. Touching on the subject of men’s lingerie, there are several brands that produce undergarments for men that adopt a more lingerie style rather than cotton underwear which is familiar to us all.  I actually find this style of lingerie rather exciting as it just goes to show how personal preferences to styles of lingerie can differ between individuals and especially for men who also want to traverse in to their own needs. I believe this post also applies to men in finding their own preferences and comfort level, however not being a man I cannot provide that point of view but having the openness to embrace the topic I believe men also have this predicament when describing ones undergarments  as ‘sexy.’

But what about cross dressers or the communities of transvestites or transgender and any other? From a female point of view I have come across difficulties buying anything from clothes to lingerie in all my years of living so I cannot even fathom the difficulties individuals are faced with when wanting to wear the clothes of the opposite sex and I can only imagine it being harder for a male wanting to wear female clothing. In my younger years I could not understand male cross dressers, but now I realise how difficult it must be to find clothes to wear that are the right fit. Cross dressing is really not a new concept and I for one have realised my own biased thoughts on this one. Women have been wearing trousers on a daily basis since the early 20th century. But this was not always the case. There were also laws in place in certain jurisdictions barring women not to wear trousers or in general the wearing of clothes of the opposite sex. However, during war times whilst men were sent to the army, women were allowed to take on employment and for certain jobs it was a requirement to wear trousers. There were other societal aspects as to why women chose to wear trousers during this period but the point being is that it has now become a norm and is socially (and legally) accepted to the extent that women’s trousers are manufactured according to the female size to accommodate their clothing needs. In simple words women have been cross dressing since the early 20th century which is widely accepted. Therefore, why should there be an opposition for any other way and how have the transgender community been accommodated with their needs? This year we have seen in the media new designers emerging providing collections and products geared towards broader communities. I really hope to see progression so that one day we can all be more accepting towards our surrounding communities just like how we have eased into the wearing of the female trousers.

I have also seen how some brands are now also accommodating toward the disabled community by providing clothing made in such a way that assists them dress with ease and comfort and this has made me think about how lingerie can also accommodate the needs of those with disabilities too. I can get into a struggle putting on some garments myself so I cannot even imagine the difficulty it must for those who do not have the same ability as I do, but more importantly, I believe my wanting to feel good about myself and have the choice to wear lingerie should not be limited. 

My way of sexy has less to do with your age, background, identity, ability or looks and more with a feeling one acquires through being comfortable within oneself and if one needs a style of lingerie, clothing, hair or anything else to reach that sexiness then only you can embrace it and decide upon it. I really do wish there would be more brands accommodating the needs of more people. However, we must not assume that a brand on a stand alone basis may have the ability to be so diverse in accommodating the needs of every variation of our continuous growing communities as there is also the financial burden to overcome in being more inclusive, which means meeting higher demands to the produce stock. Let’s not forget that some brands are more niche orientated according their expertise in a specific field, therefore, it would be welcoming to see brands come together with this in mind for the provision of community support within the industry rather than fighting each other for the competition. So, let’s lessen the pressure, the stereotypes and the restrictions we put on ourselves and just be accepting to who are meant to be and more inviting toward others around us. 

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