Oh yeah, I can hear the gasping as you’re reading this and that’s great cause I caught your attention. But hear me out as I give you a good read about crotchless knickers, body positivity, self-observation and whether we should use the term ‘sexy’ to describe to our undergarments. Please note that this is a personal blog post based on personal opinion, observations and life experiences so feel free to agree or disagree but do think of this post as thought material.
I will start by mentioning that the word ‘sexy,’ depending on its use in a sentence, (for this purpose when describing lingerie), usually pertains to the meaning of sexual attractiveness or sex appeal or sexual excitement. From a personal point of view, there is nothing wrong or more natural than honing into my ‘sexy’ vibe and getting down with it, (pun intended). But I’m a deep thinker and there have been many times where I have seen something described as sexy which from my eyes is certainly not. Going deeper into my thoughts, this made me realise how subjective ‘sexy’ really is. In other words we all have our own variation of sexy, how we feel when we are sexy, what we aspire to in being sexy, what we desire for being sexy.
I once had a complaint from an individual who thought a V-neck/plunge lingerie teddy was disgusting as it showed too much body parts. From another perspective, I had another individual send me heart shaped emoji applauding the same garment. This is a perfect example of how subjective ‘sexy’ can be and is one reason why I shall refrain as much as possible from using this word when describing lingerie. For the individual who swore at me while saying that private parts were disgusting (yes that’s right I had the F word thrown at me too), all I can think about is from the perspective of woman to woman, how can private parts be disgusting when it is a part oneself and how can one project such a negative opinion on one’s body parts. This world is filled with so much negativity and hatred and how this hatred has developed between individuals is beyond me but I have been a woman for quite some time and I cannot relate to other women who criticise their female counterparts based on personal opinion or tradition or belief. I do not oppose opinion but to impose them generates a privileged authority to which the other may be perceived as lower level. That is not being respectful to the other. Have an opinion, explain your reasons (without the need of swearing) and then listen to the opposite side. You do not have to agree but you may come away wiser or having learnt something of value.
Crotchless knickers are excellent example when lingerie is described as being a sexy item. Buy this and you too can be sexy, you might hear. Guess what? They are are not a new invention and were never intended just for sex. No doubt our great grandmothers probably wore crotchless pantaloons. During the times where women needed assistance to get dressed in multiple layers of clothing such as a chemise, corset, bodice, petticoat and stockings following several layers of skirts, the ‘drawers’ were crotchless to make going to the bathroom easier. Can you imagine being chaperoned by your dressing assistant all day long to help you get in and out of all this clothing just to go to the toilet? Some women didn’t bother at all with ‘knickers’ but others preferred their pantalets or bloomers to keep the draft out. Looking back at what women used to wear really shows us the functionality of our late undergarments and how much we have simplified our dress code. I can also see that with simplification how instant relations have also become. So whilst crotchless knickers may provide some instant gratification my reasons for not wanting to call them sexy are for the very reason to avoid the awareness that these are the epitome of being sexy and getting sex.
I can look back to my own personal battles, as a younger version of myself and now as a mature female living and working in this modern world, I can assure you that having observed teasing, bullying, belittling, discrimination and variations of abuse the impact this can have of the lives of people in various ways, such as, having fat days, bad hair days, too old days, ugly days, not good enough days, depressed days, the list goes on. It appears that women need to live up to certain standards of perfection to be accepted and many say, No More! Whoever wants to make remarks about weight, looks, clothes, hair or sexuality, please stop and think about the reasons why it is bothersome. If someone wants to provide constructive criticism, then do so with good reason and with a helping hand from a heart of kindness. There is no reason to criticise without a solution for improvement and there is certainly no reason to criticise just to elevate one’s own sense of self. But more importantly dare to be yourself and relish in your uniqueness. I remember my younger self who sensed to be different to the norm and yet society needed me to be the same as everyone else, but up to whose standards exactly? I want to embrace my uniqueness and have my own style and be the person I ought to be and not the person I should be and that includes being what I desire and having the choice that will provide me with my own happiness.
Another reason I refrain from using the word sexy is that from a body positivity point of view, we are all different and are beautiful in our own individual ways. I grew up in an era when waif thin supermodels were walking down the catwalks. This is the same era that saw an increase in anorexia and bulimia and an increase in self- hatred for not being flawless as the media craved on retouched photos. Whilst using the word sexy to describe something, which may be quite an innocent statement, just remember, what may be considered as sexy to some may not be the same for the next person. I now applaud seeing women of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds embrace the catwalks of the streets raising awareness for the body positivity movement and so much more. However, it is not about preferring one body type to the other it is having the ability to embrace the notion that beauty is not defined but in all of us. As a brand I wish I could work with a lot more individuals and I hope with expansion that this will come to fruition in the future as I embrace diversity and have the desire to grow the brand with inclusivity in mind.
My understanding is that ‘being sexy’ really is not about impressing someone else to make them want more or desire more or to elevate one’s appeal to be better than the competition and it shouldn’t be solely about looks. Being sexy is a feeling to embrace for one’s own pleasure and needs and that comes with somewhat inner confidence and self – love and through ‘sexiness’ there shouldn’t be any need to be like anyone else when we are all unique. Anyone can feel sexy without the need to have sex. The style of lingerie any woman (as an example) chooses for herself is to her own likeness and to her own comfort level. Why she wears the lingerie is for her to decide and it does not necessarily mean that buying lingerie is to feel sexy. Think of how lingerie can make you feel without needing to feel sexy. Wearing good lingerie can make the difference to the day. Imagine stepping out to go to work in a good mood because of wearing the right support in your favourite colours, even that can make the day start off well without the need to feel sexy. That said, when buying lingerie for someone else, it is really important to know the other persons style rather than go with your own fulfilment. Since the word sexy has been thrown about so much, could it be more fulfilling to feel sensual and adorned than plain old sexy? I know that I can do that for myself with my lingerie choices without the need of sexual gratification.
On the other side of the spectrum, men’s underwear could be said as not being the most appealing piece of garment to be worn, but someone out there may oppose that. Men’s lingerie (e.g. silk pants or lace bodysuits for men) may not be considered as ‘sexy’ by some, but for others it is a whole new world of exploration. Touching on the subject of men’s lingerie, I have noticed are several brands that produce undergarments which adopt a more lingerie style rather than plain, cotton underwear which is familiar to us all. For some, this style of lingerie can be rather exciting, this just goes to show how personal preferences to styles of lingerie can differ between individuals and especially for men who may also want to traverse in to their own needs. I believe this post also applies to men in finding their own preferences and comfort level, however not being a man I cannot provide that point of view but having the openness to embrace the topic I believe men also have this predicament when describing ones undergarments as ‘sexy.’
So, what about cross dressers or the communities of transvestites or transgender and any other? From a female point of view I have come across difficulties buying anything from clothes to lingerie in all my years of living so I cannot even fathom the difficulties individuals are faced with when wanting to wear the clothes of the opposite sex and I can only imagine it being harder for a male wanting to wear female clothing. In my younger years I could not understand male cross dressers, however, I can understand the difficulty it must be to find clothes to wear that are the right fit. Cross dressing is really not a new concept and I for one have realised my own biased thoughts on this one. Women have been wearing trousers on a daily basis since the early 20th century. But this was not always the case. There were also laws in place in certain jurisdictions barring women not to wear trousers or in general the wearing of clothes of the opposite sex. However, during war times whilst men joined the army, women were allowed to take on employment and for certain jobs it was a requirement to wear trousers. There were other societal aspects as to why women chose to wear trousers during this period but the point being is that it has now become a norm and is socially (and legally) accepted to the extent that women’s trousers are manufactured according to the female shape to accommodate their sizing. In simple words women have been cross dressing since the early 20th century which is now widely accepted and hardly seen as cross dressing in today’s society. Therefore, why should there be an opposition for the other way around and how have the transgender community been accommodated with their needs? This year we have seen in the media new designers emerging providing collections and products geared towards broader communities. I believe their will be progression in this area so that one day we can all be more accepting towards our surrounding communities just like how we have eased into the wearing of the female trousers.
I have also seen some fashion brands are accommodating toward the disabled community by providing clothing made in such a way that assists to dress with ease and comfort which has opened my eyes and broadened my thinking on how lingerie can also accommodate the needs of those with disabilities too. Many can understand how common it is to struggle putting on some garments when there is full capability do so, it is certainly gratifying having the know how and ability, so imagine the difficulty it must be for those who do not have the same abilities, but more importantly, wanting to feel good about oneself and having the choice to do so, should that be limited?
Imagine a way of sexy that has less to do with age, background, identity, ability or looks and more with a feeling one acquires through being comfortable within oneself and if one needs a style of lingerie, clothing, hair or anything else to reach that then only you can embrace it and decide upon it. I really do wish there would be more brands accommodating the needs of more people. However, we must not assume that a brand on a stand alone basis may have the ability to be so diverse in accommodating the needs of every variation of our continuous growing communities. There is also the financial burden to overcome in being more inclusive, which means meeting higher demands to produce stock. Let’s not forget that some brands are more niche orientated according their expertise in a specific field, therefore, it would be welcoming to see brands come together with this in mind for the provision of community support within the industry rather than fighting each other for competition. Let’s lessen the pressure, the stereotypes and the restrictions we put on ourselves and just be accepting to who are and more accepting toward those around us.
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