Today’s Guest blog is written by Amber @manber_shmallery . Amber is a sex blogger and educator and she’s here to talk about her relationship with lingerie, the hurdles she has passed and how she is able to make lingerie a part of her life in a positive way. I can certainly relate to a lot of what Amber says and she has given me some comfort that I am not alone in regards to personal battles with my own body positivity. This is why blogging is so great, we can share our thoughts and pass them on too.
Women’s Day may not be best name for a day with honest intentions of empowerment and education. On this day, and for the clarity of this article the use of “women” or “woman” is inclusive to all bodies, anatomies and identities. I believe the implications behind the word “woman” can have a different significance to all of us in different ways. I believe in some form or another “we”, as women, struggle with being welcomed into a “woman’s world”. Some may be in our own head relating to body and confidence issues while others can be within our home or community. This year for “Women’s” Day, I want to discuss an issue that may seem superficial but stick with me now… lingerie.
Lingerie, the first thing to come to mind is a partner; every panty has a bra, and every set has an admirer, or so they tell us. My early relationship with lingerie began solely based on my partner’s fantasies and desires, building my confidence around a penis. Soon enough my body issues blinded my beauty and soon no penis could get me to stuff myself into cheap elastic lace lingerie. My sexuality was no longer sensual or my own, and I honestly lost a small part of myself that I love. Lingerie may not seem like such a serious issue, and it really was not until I rebuilt my relationship with lingerie, I then realized what I had lost. It all began with a black, sheer lace body hanging in my former job. I do not know what it was about this little number but it had me captivated, fantasizing about the person, or “woman” that I would be if I could pull this off. I would be this confident siren strutting around a store in a lovely dress, with my dirty secret beneath. Something in my eyes would show onlookers I am a force to be feared and marvelled at. While on other days I daydreamed gliding through my house in the lingerie, and highest of heels doing basic tasks around the house. Parading myself in front of every mirror, studying every angle of this lingerie and how its powers consume me.
This was my fantasy, which soon became my reality. Every fantasy hits a cross-road, where it forces you to decide if this will remain a fantasy or will you bring this dream to life. Now, a little lingerie body in a sex shop may seem like a menial desire, but I craved this body, and what I knew it could do for me. With a price tag of $80, I searched and scoured to find it at a more affordable rate, one befitting my $11 per hour budget, pre-tax. Finally, I found it online, and soon it was at my door; I gave this piece a quick wash and once ready I prepped myself. Just like any date night; hair, make-up, and a great pair of shoes once the essentials came together I slithered into my new skin. I stood in front of my mirror, staring and in utter disbelief of the person staring back. I have entered a new skin, and one I do not plan to grow out of. Lace crawling up my back while black straps accenting every feature I ignored; cinching my waist and sculpting a figure from insecurities.
This one piece of lingerie thrusted me into a body confident mind-set that really propelled me forward in life. It began as a costume, a total fantasy of being someone I had always wanted, before growing into the person I am today. The real premise of this story is to share my newfound empowerment that came from lingerie. All lingerie may not be built for all bodies or identities but rather a standard imposed on what a “woman” is meant to be. We all see the same ads and face their ravenous consumers every damn day. The social pressures and implications of every piece of clothing on our bodies and most especially lingerie surrounds us every day. God forbid someone catches you wearing a sports bra or be blinded by the small strip of your bra strap. Lingerie carries a high sexual implication and unfortunately may believe only the “beautiful” are worthy. This sexualization of every little thing takes away the simplicity and happiness that can be derived from a small piece of lingerie. It is even in our own heads, why buy a pair of thigh-high stockings, pretty bra, or cheeky panties if we do not have someone to enjoy them? Is that not the point?
When you find that one piece you buy for yourself it opens Pandora’s box; lingerie is more than what is sold by various name brands and department stores. Lingerie can be anything from a robe to a glove. It really is your desires to build around. You can create your own costume for your own fantasy, and most importantly you can be the star of your own fantasy. You are not vain for loving yourself, and you need not use someone else’s desires as your confidence. I watched myself grow, with a silly little piece of lingerie, and it became a habit of putting myself first. I take more control of my life and this is confidence I gave myself by being sexy for me. I am my own goddess and admirer. My lingerie collection blossomed beside me and most of which has never been seen by anyone beyond myself.
I use my lingerie as rewards and celebrations of myself; enjoy taking a sexy selfie, originally never to be seen by anyone else. Laying in bed, rolling around or strutting past mirrors like I am applying for some kind of modelling show. Just being playful with myself even if it is just for fifteen minutes; this little empowerment ritual brought me a lot to be thankful for. Lingerie helped me discover I am playful, and my sexuality is strong, but unique. I was now confident to approach opportunities I believed were out of my reach. I got to know myself better and eventually grow out of my once uncomfortable skin. Now, I have pieces I feared were never for me pouring out of drawers and hanging in closets for the days I want to feel extra oomph. What I am trying to get to at the crux of this, is find yourself something, even if it’s small and sexy, so only you can see.
Make your day with a pair of seamed tights, a tiara, or some heels, play music and rock this stuff but alone. Look into your mirror and only compliment yourself, do not focus on the bad someone taught you to see. Be your own admirer even if at first your need a catalysis to get there. I challenge you this Women’s Day to take charge and even if it is not with lingerie, find some way to celebrate yourself this day!
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